The Plan Begins!

Okay...the plan begins! Saline sonogram on Thursday and start new med cycle. Then hopefully, IUI right before or right after Christmas. *Crossed fingers, that it works with the whole office being closed on a holiday thing.*

I am still a little bit in a funk and my husband is really unsure of what to say and he's already said the wrong thing. However, I think we're back on the path. All it took was him beating me in one game of Apple scrabble, which btw, I officially hate that game. I don't think fast enough for it.

I have really struggled with the unfairness of life recently. I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around why we were chosen to have this struggle to bear. God always has a plan, but on this one I just don't understand it....yet. I never would've imagined we'd be dealing with infertility. I did things the right way. I got married before having kids.....we planned our kids.....what didn't we do right? Was it the times I sinned? Infertility makes you look at everything you did wrong in life and wonder if this is punishment for it. You question your faith and God and all your friends & families intentions. One minute you're ecstatic for your friends with the newborn baby and the next you can't stand to look at the pictures of their perfect child. You want to talk to friends, but you don't know how to reach out. You don't want to ruin their happy moment with your sad moment.

I am working through a lot and I am sure I will be back to some of these ponderings again & again. I have to have faith & hope in the plan. It's what I am holding onto right now. It feels like it's all I've got.