I wrote this last fall and never posted it. I was scared to share it. I am sharing it now as it's been almost a year. I am better with our decision and happy we donated. I will always wonder about those embryos though. I hope they make someone's dream come true.
It's that time. I think I vaguely mentioned doing this a few months ago. After our IVF cycle with Matthew, we had 2 embryos left to freeze. They are perfect grade embryos. Our plan had been to use them around the time Little Dude was 2. God had other plans though. At our RE's office, you pay a yearly fee to keep embryos frozen. This year (2013) when the bill came we had a decision to make...do we keep them just in case or do we leave the possibility of a third child up to God? Let me say, this was a very hard decision. They aren't just frozen embryos to us. They are living beings. Ultimately after a lot of prayers on my end, we've decided to donate our embryos. It will be nearly anonymous. The process requires a lot of paperwork detailing medical history and they ask for pictures (because people want to have kids with similar features to their own obviously.)
I won't lie and say it's a perfect end. I'm grieving. I know we are so lucky that we were able to have our son with one successful IVF cycle and then have our daughter so easily, thus having to make this decision, but still it feels a little like how I'd imagine someone giving a baby up for adoption would feel. It's a loss. I talked extensively with our IVF coordinator & one of the doctor's in our RE's team. It's not just the loss of the babies, but also a loss that with the donation of the embryos we are effectively done with our RE's office. When you deal with infertility, you have to trust your team of doctor's so much. The connection I felt with our RE and his staff was a strong one. They were there during a very stressful & painful time in my life. I will always be so grateful.
I know we are doing the right thing though. There are many other couples out there dealing with infertility who deserve the chance at parenthood. If this can help them, then I have to do it. I feel like it's my way of giving back to the infertility community.
So please pray for us and for the people who will use our embryos.
Praying that your sweet little babies will end up in the perfect home, and for you as you go through this. I can imagine how hard it would be to make that decision, but what a beautiful thing that you can also give another couple a chance to have a family.
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