Thursday, December 23, 2010

Trigger shot & Costco pizza IUI for us this month....the Christmas holiday just screwed up the whole thing. Oh well, we were kind of expecting that. So instead they gave me some sort of shot that I can't remember, which forces ovulation within 24 hours....which makes it easier when you're trying to have a kid the sort of old fashioned way. IUI next month if this didn't work....which honestly I don't think it will, but maybe I'll be surprised.

After the appointment, I dragged Avery to Costco and finally had the pizza I'd be craving for 2 weeks. It was delicious!!!! I seriously love their pizza especially when it's fresh at lunch time.

If I don't get back here again:

Mele Kalikimaka!
(Hawaiian for Merry Christmas.)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Nightmare

So...getting ready for the big deciding doctor's appointment tomorrow and the labs I need for that appointment were nowhere to be found. I sat at the base clinic lab while they tried to sort out where my labs were or in this case why they weren't done. Finally it was determined that the person at the lab last week didn't input in the correct stuff. I broke down crying there....I couldn't help it. I just needed my freakin' labs! Finally after a lot of calling around, they sent me up to Tripler to have the labs re-drawn and processed STAT. Seriously....a nightmare....UGH!!!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Well that was interesting....

The plan began today. I had the saline sonogram and it was totally not at all what I was expecting. They literally put saline in your uterus and take a look at it. Well mine looked good. Yep, that's right my uterus is a good one. LOL It was uncomfortable and the cramping I am experiencing after it is not so fun. Then I had to go have labs drawn and get the medication. (Oh and the convoluted way I am getting my lab results to my fertility doctor is a trip too. My extremely nice dietitian will print them for me...thus saving us money & a trip to an outside lab, since the military lab won't share results with the civilian doctor. How ridiculous!) Jeez, it's such a production to have a baby! I can't imagine how it'll be like if we ever have to do IVF.

I am out of my funk. I think it was all related to hormones. The hubster will be pleased. He's back from a brief underway today and will hopefully be allowed home soon. I am craving pizza from Costco and that place is not open late.

I have to mail out all the Christmas gifts and cards tomorrow. According to the news, Friday is the last day for guaranteed priority mail Christmas delivery from Hawaii to the Mainland. Personally, I think that the USPS is wrong and that it's really Monday, but whatever. Friday it is!

Peace....I need to find a ham for the holidays (why I procrastinated on this, I don't know....)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Plan Begins!

Okay...the plan begins! Saline sonogram on Thursday and start new med cycle. Then hopefully, IUI right before or right after Christmas. *Crossed fingers, that it works with the whole office being closed on a holiday thing.*

I am still a little bit in a funk and my husband is really unsure of what to say and he's already said the wrong thing. However, I think we're back on the path. All it took was him beating me in one game of Apple scrabble, which btw, I officially hate that game. I don't think fast enough for it.

I have really struggled with the unfairness of life recently. I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around why we were chosen to have this struggle to bear. God always has a plan, but on this one I just don't understand it....yet. I never would've imagined we'd be dealing with infertility. I did things the right way. I got married before having kids.....we planned our kids.....what didn't we do right? Was it the times I sinned? Infertility makes you look at everything you did wrong in life and wonder if this is punishment for it. You question your faith and God and all your friends & families intentions. One minute you're ecstatic for your friends with the newborn baby and the next you can't stand to look at the pictures of their perfect child. You want to talk to friends, but you don't know how to reach out. You don't want to ruin their happy moment with your sad moment.

I am working through a lot and I am sure I will be back to some of these ponderings again & again. I have to have faith & hope in the plan. It's what I am holding onto right now. It feels like it's all I've got.

Monday, December 13, 2010

In a funk

I am in a funk. I want to write and I have much to say, but I can't seem to get the words out.

Thankfully there's a good book & a cute kitty cat or two to get me through it, sort of.....

Sunday, December 12, 2010

God Always Has An Answer

I get Minute Meditations delivered daily to my email from a Catholic website and no, I am not sure which one it is anymore. I have really been searching for some comfort from God lately. This weekend has been productive, but at the same time sad for me. I feel sad, jealous, mad and impatient. I just kept hoping that God would give me comfort. Today I opened my daily meditation and this is what it said:

Be Patient

Like children pining for Christmas morning, we know what it means to wait for what we desire. Whether it is the safe arrival of loved ones from afar or a recovery from cancer, we wait in prayer and patience, hope and trust. Angelus Sibelius advises, "If in your heart you make a manger for his birth, then God will once again become a child on earth."
— from Catholic Update

While this doesn't make me feel completely comforted, it does help a little. It feels like an answer was sent to me. I needed to be reminded of it. Maybe this can help others too.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Waiting, waiting, waiting....

I have a few days to wait for my body. I HATE waiting for this. I am ready to get on with the plan. We're prepared mentally...the credit card is ready. Let's get a going body.

Patience is definitely not one of those virtues that I have a lot of and it get's particularly worse when I don't have much to distract me.
Watching the FedEx truck barrel down the street every afternoon does nothing for me. (Which reminds me....I wonder who in my neighborhood gets a visit from the FedEx guy everyday...seriously everyday the truck comes around 4pm.)

My friend Courtney had her twin boys (they are doing very well and are so precious.) Then my BFF delivered my niece. This was all on they same day I might add.
Then Elizabeth Edward's passed away. I may not have agreed with her politics, but I really admired her as a woman. Seriously amazing lady. I hope she's resting comfortably with the Holy Spirit now.

Had some fun with friends this week as well.

Overall a good if I could just make the weekend pass suuuupper fast, we'd be golden.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Let the Holidays Begin!

Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Happy Kwanzaa. (If I have forgotten any please let me know.)

Today is the Feast Day of St. Nicholas. As a Catholic saints days are of great meaning. Now of course there are saint feast days everyday that we all seemingly ignore (myself included.) St. Nicholas is one we don't forget though. He was an important dude. The story goes that he anonymously gave the gift of gold to a poor man, so the man's daughters could be married. This has led to gift giving on St. Nicholas Day. Which translated on to gifts at Christmas and some cultures calling Santa Claus: St. Nick. My own Mother (not even a Catholic, but a protestant) celebrates the day with a small gift. Admittedly, I have not celebrated this saint day with gifts since moving out 7 years ago. However today I got to thinking about the day and whether St. Nicholas would really want us to exchange presents on his feast day. Was that really his life's purpose? Probably not. Not to say that exchanging a gift as a nice thought is bad...but I think our gifts should have some meaning behind them. His gift to the poor man was done anonymously and with kindness in his heart. He didn't expect anything back.

St. Nicholas Day comes at sort of the start of the Christmas season. We go to parties, get togethers and luncheons. We bake cookies and wrap presents. In the midst of all of this I want to make sure that we aren't losing the meaning of everything. Yes historically we know Jesus Christ probably wasn't born on December 24 or 25. Despite this minor's the season of joy & thanksgiving. Find joy in your life and be thankful for what you have. We will never have everything that we think we want or need, yet that doesn't mean we can't be joyful & happy.

Choose happiness. It will fulfill your life with so many more blessings.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Shopping & Other News

I am addicted to shopping this week. Thankfully I have been able to minimize my shopping to only yesterday (okay and today, because we know I will be shopping since Avery has duty...duh!) I don't shop that often, so I feel the occasional fun is acceptable. I saved a ton with coupons at the commissary this week, as that leaves room in the budget for a little fun.

I had a productive appointment on Tuesday with the doctor. He's amazing and I am as comfortable as I can be with "the plan." No IUI this was too late. However, they could tell the drugs worked. That led to the plan of drugs & IUI in the new cycle...that is if the holidays don't interfere (meaning the office is closed for Xmas.) Plus, the additional plan of banking samples to continue to IUI after Avery deploys. Yay, I like a good plan!

My bestfriend is sooo close to giving birth to my niece. I am ridiculously excited. I wish I could fly to Chi-town this month.

I want snow. Can you believe I am saying that? I can't either. Really though, I want snow. The weather is rainy & miserable here. Snow would kill all the pesky allergens and make my eyes happier.

Breakfast time...until we meet again in front of our computers!