Thursday, December 23, 2010

Trigger shot & Costco pizza IUI for us this month....the Christmas holiday just screwed up the whole thing. Oh well, we were kind of expecting that. So instead they gave me some sort of shot that I can't remember, which forces ovulation within 24 hours....which makes it easier when you're trying to have a kid the sort of old fashioned way. IUI next month if this didn't work....which honestly I don't think it will, but maybe I'll be surprised.

After the appointment, I dragged Avery to Costco and finally had the pizza I'd be craving for 2 weeks. It was delicious!!!! I seriously love their pizza especially when it's fresh at lunch time.

If I don't get back here again:

Mele Kalikimaka!
(Hawaiian for Merry Christmas.)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Nightmare

So...getting ready for the big deciding doctor's appointment tomorrow and the labs I need for that appointment were nowhere to be found. I sat at the base clinic lab while they tried to sort out where my labs were or in this case why they weren't done. Finally it was determined that the person at the lab last week didn't input in the correct stuff. I broke down crying there....I couldn't help it. I just needed my freakin' labs! Finally after a lot of calling around, they sent me up to Tripler to have the labs re-drawn and processed STAT. Seriously....a nightmare....UGH!!!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Well that was interesting....

The plan began today. I had the saline sonogram and it was totally not at all what I was expecting. They literally put saline in your uterus and take a look at it. Well mine looked good. Yep, that's right my uterus is a good one. LOL It was uncomfortable and the cramping I am experiencing after it is not so fun. Then I had to go have labs drawn and get the medication. (Oh and the convoluted way I am getting my lab results to my fertility doctor is a trip too. My extremely nice dietitian will print them for me...thus saving us money & a trip to an outside lab, since the military lab won't share results with the civilian doctor. How ridiculous!) Jeez, it's such a production to have a baby! I can't imagine how it'll be like if we ever have to do IVF.

I am out of my funk. I think it was all related to hormones. The hubster will be pleased. He's back from a brief underway today and will hopefully be allowed home soon. I am craving pizza from Costco and that place is not open late.

I have to mail out all the Christmas gifts and cards tomorrow. According to the news, Friday is the last day for guaranteed priority mail Christmas delivery from Hawaii to the Mainland. Personally, I think that the USPS is wrong and that it's really Monday, but whatever. Friday it is!

Peace....I need to find a ham for the holidays (why I procrastinated on this, I don't know....)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Plan Begins!

Okay...the plan begins! Saline sonogram on Thursday and start new med cycle. Then hopefully, IUI right before or right after Christmas. *Crossed fingers, that it works with the whole office being closed on a holiday thing.*

I am still a little bit in a funk and my husband is really unsure of what to say and he's already said the wrong thing. However, I think we're back on the path. All it took was him beating me in one game of Apple scrabble, which btw, I officially hate that game. I don't think fast enough for it.

I have really struggled with the unfairness of life recently. I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around why we were chosen to have this struggle to bear. God always has a plan, but on this one I just don't understand it....yet. I never would've imagined we'd be dealing with infertility. I did things the right way. I got married before having kids.....we planned our kids.....what didn't we do right? Was it the times I sinned? Infertility makes you look at everything you did wrong in life and wonder if this is punishment for it. You question your faith and God and all your friends & families intentions. One minute you're ecstatic for your friends with the newborn baby and the next you can't stand to look at the pictures of their perfect child. You want to talk to friends, but you don't know how to reach out. You don't want to ruin their happy moment with your sad moment.

I am working through a lot and I am sure I will be back to some of these ponderings again & again. I have to have faith & hope in the plan. It's what I am holding onto right now. It feels like it's all I've got.

Monday, December 13, 2010

In a funk

I am in a funk. I want to write and I have much to say, but I can't seem to get the words out.

Thankfully there's a good book & a cute kitty cat or two to get me through it, sort of.....

Sunday, December 12, 2010

God Always Has An Answer

I get Minute Meditations delivered daily to my email from a Catholic website and no, I am not sure which one it is anymore. I have really been searching for some comfort from God lately. This weekend has been productive, but at the same time sad for me. I feel sad, jealous, mad and impatient. I just kept hoping that God would give me comfort. Today I opened my daily meditation and this is what it said:

Be Patient

Like children pining for Christmas morning, we know what it means to wait for what we desire. Whether it is the safe arrival of loved ones from afar or a recovery from cancer, we wait in prayer and patience, hope and trust. Angelus Sibelius advises, "If in your heart you make a manger for his birth, then God will once again become a child on earth."
— from Catholic Update

While this doesn't make me feel completely comforted, it does help a little. It feels like an answer was sent to me. I needed to be reminded of it. Maybe this can help others too.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Waiting, waiting, waiting....

I have a few days to wait for my body. I HATE waiting for this. I am ready to get on with the plan. We're prepared mentally...the credit card is ready. Let's get a going body.

Patience is definitely not one of those virtues that I have a lot of and it get's particularly worse when I don't have much to distract me.
Watching the FedEx truck barrel down the street every afternoon does nothing for me. (Which reminds me....I wonder who in my neighborhood gets a visit from the FedEx guy everyday...seriously everyday the truck comes around 4pm.)

My friend Courtney had her twin boys (they are doing very well and are so precious.) Then my BFF delivered my niece. This was all on they same day I might add.
Then Elizabeth Edward's passed away. I may not have agreed with her politics, but I really admired her as a woman. Seriously amazing lady. I hope she's resting comfortably with the Holy Spirit now.

Had some fun with friends this week as well.

Overall a good if I could just make the weekend pass suuuupper fast, we'd be golden.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Let the Holidays Begin!

Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Happy Kwanzaa. (If I have forgotten any please let me know.)

Today is the Feast Day of St. Nicholas. As a Catholic saints days are of great meaning. Now of course there are saint feast days everyday that we all seemingly ignore (myself included.) St. Nicholas is one we don't forget though. He was an important dude. The story goes that he anonymously gave the gift of gold to a poor man, so the man's daughters could be married. This has led to gift giving on St. Nicholas Day. Which translated on to gifts at Christmas and some cultures calling Santa Claus: St. Nick. My own Mother (not even a Catholic, but a protestant) celebrates the day with a small gift. Admittedly, I have not celebrated this saint day with gifts since moving out 7 years ago. However today I got to thinking about the day and whether St. Nicholas would really want us to exchange presents on his feast day. Was that really his life's purpose? Probably not. Not to say that exchanging a gift as a nice thought is bad...but I think our gifts should have some meaning behind them. His gift to the poor man was done anonymously and with kindness in his heart. He didn't expect anything back.

St. Nicholas Day comes at sort of the start of the Christmas season. We go to parties, get togethers and luncheons. We bake cookies and wrap presents. In the midst of all of this I want to make sure that we aren't losing the meaning of everything. Yes historically we know Jesus Christ probably wasn't born on December 24 or 25. Despite this minor's the season of joy & thanksgiving. Find joy in your life and be thankful for what you have. We will never have everything that we think we want or need, yet that doesn't mean we can't be joyful & happy.

Choose happiness. It will fulfill your life with so many more blessings.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Shopping & Other News

I am addicted to shopping this week. Thankfully I have been able to minimize my shopping to only yesterday (okay and today, because we know I will be shopping since Avery has duty...duh!) I don't shop that often, so I feel the occasional fun is acceptable. I saved a ton with coupons at the commissary this week, as that leaves room in the budget for a little fun.

I had a productive appointment on Tuesday with the doctor. He's amazing and I am as comfortable as I can be with "the plan." No IUI this was too late. However, they could tell the drugs worked. That led to the plan of drugs & IUI in the new cycle...that is if the holidays don't interfere (meaning the office is closed for Xmas.) Plus, the additional plan of banking samples to continue to IUI after Avery deploys. Yay, I like a good plan!

My bestfriend is sooo close to giving birth to my niece. I am ridiculously excited. I wish I could fly to Chi-town this month.

I want snow. Can you believe I am saying that? I can't either. Really though, I want snow. The weather is rainy & miserable here. Snow would kill all the pesky allergens and make my eyes happier.

Breakfast time...until we meet again in front of our computers!

Sunday, November 28, 2010


Tuesday is the big first appointment with the specialist. We tried a Clomid cycle this time and the way the timing works, means that we could get some good news about doing IUI this cycle at that appointment. I am so anxious, excited and nervous all at the same time. Avery and I both said we'd laugh/cry if the Clomid was all we needed. I feel so upbeat about this, but of course pessimism is creeping in a little as we get close to this appointment. All my fears about miscarriage or not being able to get pregnant before his deployment nip at the edges of my happy, hopeful heart.
It's even harder, because more people have announced pregnancies lately and my desire to be one of them is strong again. Though oddly I had a random desire to be living alone without kids just today. That dissipated slowly...which surprised me.

Hope everyone had a great holiday. I sure did. I got almost all of my shopping done on Black Friday. A feat I have never before accomplished. It was fun! :-)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Things I am Thankful for this Thanksgiving

All over facebook people are posting what they are thankful for everyday of November. Obviously I don't have time (okay, really desire) to do so, so I figured I'd compile a big list here.

1. Good friends who invite us over to their homes, since our families aren't here to celebrate with us.
2. An amazing submarine command that hosts a Thanksgiving dinner on the pier, so those who are on duty (like my husband) and their spouses can share a meal together.
3. A perfectly timed Clomid cycle that will hopefully lead to IUI very soon.
4. Moms who love us so much.
5. POG, because it just tastes delicious.
6. Pets that love us unconditionally.
7. Warm, comfortable weather in Hawaii.
8. Good friends who meet for lunch just to catch up.
9. People who split the cost of a taxi with you.
10. Having enough food to eat and never going hungry.
11. Trustworthy people who house sit for you and refuse payment.
12. Getting a Christmas present that someone really desires.
13. Hope on the horizon.
14. Being happy.
15. Prayers.
16. Coupons that save me lots of money.
17. A husband who loves me no matter what.
18. Nice pictures.
19. Faith.
20. God who loves us.
21. Family coming for Christmas
22. A quiet house.
23. Good professors and advisers.
24. Healthcare professionals that do all they can for us.
25. Health insurance.
26. Music
27. Dancing
28. Doing things I love.
29. Books!
30. Having so many things to be thankful for.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Happy Veteran's Day!

Today is Veteran's Day. Since my husband is underway, defending our nation...I think of the day with more distinction.
Avery is really modest about the work he does and the sacrifices he makes. I always thank him for his service and he down plays it. He doesn't think that he does that much. But he does...he leaves for weeks & months at a time getting to hear little from home. All to defend the freedom of many.

Thank you to Avery, my husband & hero and so many others who have defended our freedom or currently do so. Without you, there would be no land of the free.

Happy Veteran's Day!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Halloween in review

Yes, we dress up our pets and embarrass them to death. Yes, they hate us for it. But oh well, they are just so ridiculously cute dressed up.

Here's Blackie with a witch hat on.

Grace with a witch hat on.

Stanley, our little scarecrow. He was super angry with me, especially since I forced him to keep it on all night. Even after he managed to lose the hat, I made him keep the rest on. He was pissed and kept running to Avery for help.

In other Halloween news, we ran out of candy. I will have to buy more next year.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Range of Emotions

First topic: Well...I had the appointment and we got our referral. I am so excited and scared all at the same time. Technically we have to wait for the army hospital to turn us down, but I am not bothering to wait. I have the name of a civilian doctor and I am going ahead with him.

I am was so excited that I went to see if by some chance Avery's boat was still there and instead watched them pull away from the pier. I admit, I cried....something I've never done before. I usually get energized and start my "he's underway" to-do list without much thought. Well not this time...tears were flowing and I instantly wished the boat could stay home.

That said, I am a military wife and I can do this. I will get the appointment, discuss what to do and then tell Avery when to show up.

Oh a side note: I resigned from my job. I decided there was no point in being somewhere, where I was so miserably unhappy every time I worked. Not sure where I'll work next, but I will figure out something.

Friday, October 29, 2010

5 Things Friday

Okay, because I've got nothing else better to do right now, you get to learn 5 things about me on a Friday.

1. My husband and I give each other Christmas lists every year, just to make the shopping for each other easier. Some people have told me they think this ruins the surprise, I, however, think it removes the possibility of me ever getting a frying pan or folding chairs or something of that sort.

2. The clothes in my closet are color coded & sorted by sleeve length and I am ridiculously proud of this fact.

3. Sometimes when I get really excited for people, I get tears in my eyes.

4. I am always reading something, yet I read the book for my book club usually only a few days before we are due to meet up again.

5. I really want to redo our office/guest room. It bugs me, yet I have continuously failed to get inspiration on what to do with it.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Looking for a new job

This week has just majorly sucked at work. I can't fake it anymore. I am tried and I just don't feel like putting on a happy face anymore. It seems like the people I thought I could confide in at our company only go straight to my boss. I don't like working at a place with people I can't trust. at. all. Seriously time to move on. Maybe take a break from working to focus on school for awhile. I don't know....I'll figure it out.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

We have an appointment

Or rather I have an appointment, since knowing how the schedule looks I doubt hubby will be there with me. Meaning I finally stopped procrastinating & finally called to schedule our talk on what to do next. (In Avery's words...."it only took you a month!") Yeah, yeah....what can I say when I really don't want to do something I do a fantastic job of avoiding. That said, the appointment is made, I am ready to demand we get referred to a civilian fertility doctor or just decide to change to Tricare Standard so I can do what I want.

I am full of hope and am living vicariously thru my best friend, Angie. Thank god for having a friend who is more like a sister. I honestly sometimes cry when I read her emails, because she's so sweet to me.

Today is going to be a good day (even if only because I don't have to work! lol)

Monday, October 18, 2010

Life in Pictures

Grace (cutest gray/tortoiseshell kitty ever!) & Blackie (Black & white scaredy, but sweet cat.)
Hanging out in the kitchen cabinets. This is how they help make dinner.

Stanley, our handsome dude dog!
He celebrated turning 6 years old (& being ours for 6 months) with a trip to Petco, where he nearly killed himself jumping out a moving shopping cart.

Me, dressed for casual Friday at work.

Avery starting his day off with an energy drink. Stanley is concerned about where his Daddy is going. He doesn't like having to drop Dad off on the base, especially when there's also a sea bag in the car.Avery, my handsome sailor man!

"Wait for me, Dad, wait for me! I wanna go on the submarine too!"

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Fighting off tears

Because I am not always strong and full of hope.
This path that we have been chosen to go down sucks. Yes, it's now in my hands....I need to call, have a meeting & get the referral. Yet I am scared, mad, sad & irritated over the whole thing. I keep hoping that this month we'll conceive naturally and won't need to do all this stuff. I don't want to be doing this stuff.
I am playing with precious time....time we don't have as the months tick down to when he leaves on deployment. Yet I continue to mess with it and not make the call. I feel like a lazy ass on this front.

Grrr......this is maddening!!!!!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Is it October already?

Wow, September just flew past me.

I have nothing new to report, except that I still am aggravated with work. I miss my stay at home wife days....a little, but I honestly think I keep the job because I like not being at home as much. It feels good to be a contributing member of society outside of just my house & family.

Avery finally got his reward for extending on the boat, so he is in Cali with his Mom. He seems lonely and I am lonely for him. Yet I know this is good for him to go and see people.

This weekend was a long weekend for me. The first weekend I have had off from work in a long time. It has felt so nice and I am dreading it coming to an end tonight.

Time for "fall" in Hawaii, which really just means a little more rain and a lot more heavy, hot air. My asthma reminds me how awful this crap is and how lovely a fall in Illinois would be...someday we'll be there again.

Thursday, September 23, 2010


Still no answers on the job situation, the higher ups came to town but never stopped at our store. I am even more bummed out about work, since my manager has decided to leave the company. I adore her and know we'll continue as friends, but still I will miss working for her. I am still so annoyed/upset that I am now seriously considering finding another job. The thought of starting over though is so daunting though.

We got some answers on the Avery health front. Now it's time to go back to my doctor and find out what to do next on the having a child front. I feel hopeful again and can see us accomplishing the pregnancy thing long before he deploys next year. Yay for victories!

I got a pedicure last night and they were really busy, so I had to sit & wait awhile. Just sitting there soaking my feet for extra time was so relaxing. I wish I could have the wait more often. :-)

Alright...time to go....peace out friends.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Work, work, work

I have been very emotional lately. The feeling of peace I had the last time I posted is waning.

Work is pretty stressful....I took on more hours in an effort to show commitment to the company and honestly in a hope that it would help me get promoted. So far that appears to have helped, since they asked me about management. Yet the other night as we were getting hit with nasty emails from a higher up, I started questioning my desire to continue with a company that can be so very, very negative. I know I am good at my job, but I can't force people to come in if they don't want to. The high ups will be in town this afternoon. My answer to what I should do could be coming soon.

I need to get back into college, but honestly I'm afraid to pick up the phone and say to my adviser "sorry I was out with no explanation for over a month, can I come back now?" Things like that make me uncomfortable and wish I was still at the age where your parents could do the work for you.
Apparently writing that paragraph gave me the courage to call them. *Phew* Glad I got over that one.

I know it's early, but I am looking forward to Christmas. My Mom is flying in for 2 weeks and I think we'll have a ball.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Bible Study

Recently, I joined with up with a group of women to get together and study the bible together every week. We pick certain chapters and verses to read and study, then get together and discuss what we thought. This is a way to show how the bible fits with our lives. After about an hour of discussion we end with making a list of prayer requests.

Most of the prayer requests change weekly, but one of mine always is the same. I noticed today that though my prayer request hasn't been fulfilled yet, just having the group praying with me has really given me peace. Avery is due home very, very soon and I really want to share this peace with him. I don't know if it will help him feel any better, but I hope that we can be at peace together.

I have never been in a bible study that wasn't required Sunday school or for religion class in high school. I am so thankful for the group and the fact that it's reminding me of the power of prayer and getting me to pray more.

God is a powerful ally and I feel fortunate that he is always on my side, even when I haven't always been able to acknowledge it.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Birthday Eve

My 25th birthday is tomorrow. I remember when I was 18 and my boyfriend at the time turned seemed so old and far away. While admittedly, 25 and 18 are a million miles apart on the life road....25 does not seem old any longer. In fact I still feel young and wonder about the many adventures I have yet to have.

[I came down with the stomach flu on Sunday night and it was awful. I seriously cried, because I wanted my husband and my Mom and neither was available to be with me. I really wished that there was a service that you could hire to take care of you when sick. There'd be good money in that I think. I'd use them.]

Anyway....the whole flu thing did get me thinking about what I have learned this year. Oddly enough I have never contemplated what I've learned in the past year at any birthday. At least not that I can recall.

What I learned between 24 and 25:

1. Happiness is a choice and once you make the decision to be happy, it's easier to deal with the negative things in life.
2. You can't be friends with everyone and while it hurts to cut some people out of your life, sometimes it's the best decision for you.
3. Going along with the previous one, you can't control others can only control your reaction.
4. I am not perfect and sometimes I do things the wrong way, but it doesn't make me a bitch, just human.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Military Spouse Fill-in Friday...done on Friday!

It's time for this week's edition of MilSpouse Friday Fill-In. You can link up over at Wife of a Sailor's Blog if you'd like to participate! Or, if you don't blog, go ahead and answer the questions in the comments section.

1. What secret indulgence do you act on while your spouse is away?
Eating in bed, but I suspect he knows this...ah well, I can pretend it's a secret.

2. If you were a spice, what would you be?
Interesting question.....I'm going to say parsley, because it's dependable and I generally consider myself a dependable person.

3. Where do you go for support when your significant other is deployed?
My Mom, my military wife friends and my civilian wife friends. Love them all.

4. What is the oldest thing you own?Some jewelry that was my Oma's.

Hope everyone had a good Friday. I am ready to head for bed with my food in hand. ;-)

Thursday, August 26, 2010


Yep, that's me. I can't ever get enough sleep lately. (I got past that one night of insomnia.) Avery came home for a day, which was nice, and one of the nights he got to sleep next to me I didn't even have to take the Ambien...I was completely out. I still asked my doctor for more's comforting to know it's there even if I don't have to use it.

Anyway....Avery was in and out faster then lightening I swear. It was nice to see him briefly. He's missing my birthday next week and I am very sore about that. I better have flowers delivered to me or he's in big trouble, since he said nothing about my birthday before he left.

I got offered a full time job and I was very tempted to take it, but all I could think of was not getting the sleep I so desperately want right now, so I turned it down. Horrible reason, I realize.

I joined a book club and their next meeting is on Sunday. I haven't even touched the book yet. I better get reading tomorrow or I will be the rude, clueless person come Sunday.'s after 8:30pm...I can go to bed. Yay!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Military Spouse Fill-in Friday...done a day late AGAIN

Here I am doing this one a day late, again! I seem to forget about it on Friday's. Oh well, enjoy a Saturday edition.

t's time for this week's edition of MilSpouse Friday Fill-In. You can link up over at Wife of a Sailor's Blog if you'd like to participate! Or, if you don't blog, go ahead and answer the questions in the comments section.

1. If you could be a fugitive from the law for whatever reason, what would your crime be?
Rowing out to sea to find the submarine....hahaha...j/k!

2. How long do you think you will be a military family?
At least 15 more years.

3. What’s your favorite recipe?
Crock pot beef stew handed down my's delicious.

4. What would you want your last five words to be when you leave this life?
"I go to God now." Or something like that.
5. Where do you hope to retire?This is a huge debate in our home. We both have mentioned like 10 different places, however if I could pick the place I'd go with San Antonio, Texas.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


I have battled insomnia off and on for a few years now. It got particularly bad in the second year of our marriage and finally I got a prescription for Ambien. Ambien really does the trick, however my doctor does not allow me to take it when I am alone. This can be a slight issue with my spouse going in and out to sea. Yet, I seem to have fewer issues with sleep when he is gone, so that isn't always a problem. However, here I sit feeling completely exhausted, yet unable to sleep and not allowed to take the medicine. Ugh!!!
One of my doctors suggested that I had insomnia when I didn't eat enough, so my supposedly starving body was keeping me awake. So now when I can't sleep I eat something. Yet that is also not working tonight. Oh and tv is not that exciting...grr!

Okay...rant done.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Feeling Refreshed

It sounds a little silly, but I feel refreshed after traveling to Colorado and seeing my cousin get married. I feel better about our whole infertility issue and less stressed about having a baby. It's a really nice feeling and I feel more whole again.

I went outside and attempted to see a meteor shower or something last night with a friend of mine who had a baby 2 or 3 months ago. I was concerned that after the baby was born we wouldn't spend as much time together and while admittedly we haven' was nice to know that we still could get together and talk just like we used to. Seriously....thank you to my great God above for people who still act the same even after they've had kids. I felt really good after I left her house.

I am thinking of linking this blog to my facebook...can anyone tell me how that works? Thanks!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Military Spouse Fill-in Friday...done a day late

It's time for this week's edition of MilSpouse Friday Fill-In. You can link up over at Wife of a Sailor's Blog if you'd like to participate! Or, if you don't blog, go ahead and answer the questions in the comments section.

1. What is your Spouse's best feature?
His upper body: the chest, shoulders and upper arms. He's very strong and I love it!

2. Mild, Medium or Hot sauce?
Medium...I always try the hot sauces that my husband likes, but I honestly can't tolerate more then a try.

3. What is the worst uniform you had to wear for a job?
I've never had a job where I had a uniform per say. I suppose the few times where my scrubs got messy at the hospital and I had to change into hospital issued surgical scrubs that were huge on me would be the only thing that remotely covers this question.

4. You have invisible powers...where is the first place you would go?
My husband's submarine....just because I am so curious to see how things are when they are underway....I mean the know what they do, but I want to see what it's really like. (And dependent's cruises don't count, because you know they're on their best behavior then.)

5. What's left on your "to-do" list for this summer?
Go to my cousin's wedding and that will be accomplished soon. :-)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Random things about me that I knew you all wanted to know...

1. I adore cats and dogs and no, I don't have a favorite of the two. If it's cute, cuddly and not a rodent I will give it the time of day.

2. I seriously believe our first child will be a boy, even though I would prefer a girl first.

3. I really like buying make-up even though I don't wear it every day.

4. I need to be a military wife, because I need the breaks from my spouse. I am very independent and feel suffocated if he's not working.

5. I love my husband way more then I ever express.

6. Bookstores soothe me when I am stressed.

7. Pledging my sorority made me so tense I smoked cigarettes and chewed ice like a mad woman.

8. Coincidentally I am no longer interested in either action.

9. I have recently re-discovered my love for the color pink.

10. I never gained the freshmen 15 in college.

11. Voicemail annoys me....I hate checking it and wish people wouldn't leave me messages unless it's absolutely important.

12. I really want a GPS for the car, but I am not sure which is the best one for the best price etc. so I keep not buying one.

13. I wish I could've given my Grandparents a Great-Grandchild before they passed away.

14. Since my Oma died, I fear my Mom's death a lot more.

15. My Mom is my bestfriend.

16. I know I am blessed to have the healthcare that I do and I am very grateful for it.

17. YouTube = great idea and a minor addiction for me.

18. One of my favorite sodas is called Ski and is made in Southern Illinois.

19. I love to roam Costco and look at everything they offer for sale.

20. I really love a good pair of jeans. So much so that when I find a pair I like I buy them, even though I have plenty of other pairs at home.

21. Black dresses are a new obsession for me. I love 'em!

22. I didn't like leggings until my job forced me to try our brand on and now I adore them. Though it should be noted that the only leggings I like are from our company. (Seriously, the ones we sell are the best I have found, in terms of comfort & fit.)

23. Pretzels & chocolate are a great combo....I will try almost anything with such a combination.

24. I play farmville on facebook.

25. Rainy days are some of my favorite kind of days.

26. The only person I trust to cut/color my hair lives near my Mom's house in Southern Illinois. I have yet to find someone in Hawaii that I trust as much as her.

27. My favorite two professors in college didn't even teach in my degree field.

28. I have an email pen pal that lives in Canada.

29. I was raised Lutheran, but became a Catholic in high school. It was the best decision I have made for my faith.

30. I become more conservative the older I get.

31. I could be a spokesperson for Pampered Chef....I love their products that much.

32. I do not want to sell Pampered Chef despite my love for it.

33. My kitchen is done in red.

34. I really want a Pink Circuit Expression, but I am unwilling to pay $400 for it.

35. Student loans are the biggest pain in the booty for me.

36. Valparaiso University sends me Alumni newsletters even though I only went there for 1 year.

37. Veet is my friend when I am too lazy to actually shave my legs.

38. People who are always debbie downers or negative nancys drive me bonkers.

39. I wish my Mom's house were my house (without the mortgage payment.)

40. Though I have battled eating disorders for many years, I don't count calories.

41. Scrapbooking is my favorite expensive hobby.

42. Verizon has been my cell phone provider for almost 10 years.

43. The only new years resolution I can honestly say I've kept, was what I resolved this year and that was to chose to be happy. So glad I kept that one.

44. It's taken me 3 days to complete this list so far. :-)

45. I can't sew, despite the fact that both my Grandma's sew/sewed and my Mom sews.

46. I had to suck up to the Home Economics teacher in 7th & 8th grade to pass sewing with an A.

47. My Mom helped me pass sewing class in middle school, even though after thinking about it that was probably cheating....but oh well.

48. I am vain about my appearance and I admit it.

49. I am a master at giving cats medication.

50. Wish I could see my Scamper dog one last time. I miss him.

Ok....50 is a good number for now. Have a good day friends...romans...countrymen!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Humming along in Southern Illinois

Oma passed away on Friday. I got here Saturday afternoon. While I was a bit sad to not get to say one last goodbye, I am so relieved that she is in peace now. The cancer just tore her body to shreds and it was so painful to see her decline. I am happy to think that she and my Grandpa are reunited in heaven. When Grandpa died in February that was what made me cry the most...knowing that Oma didn't have her life partner with her anymore. I was worried that she would feel alone. So I am just so glad that they are together once again.

Now I am back here and it is hot & humid. Typical for July in Southern Illinois. It smells just like I recall summer's smelling here. I tried to explain the smell of the heat to Avery and I finally came up with that it smells like hot grass & overheated asphalt.

The rest of the family starts flying & driving in tomorrow. I am on airport duty. Among the host of other things that are on my to-do list.

I want to see my Angiekins up in Chicago while I am here, but I am not sure I'll make it. We'll see though.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Thank You

As I ponder my Oma's death so soon upon us, it got me thinking of how thankful I am for life and the wonderful people in my life. I know that sounds cliche', but it's so true. My Oma will have lived 82 long years when she passes away. That fact alone got me thinking that I have many more years to live and ought to thank those that have impacted my life so wonderfully. Here's just a few:

Truly thank you to my best friend, Angie. A gal who is pregnant and yet still cares so insanely much how it affects me and other infertile couples. I can't thank the lord above enough for such a wonderful person. Seriously, Angie you are an angel. I love you.

My best friend Stacie, who always tells me the truth and helps me out in a heartbeat. I can't imagine a better friend to have in a Navy wife. Thank you, rock!

My Mom: without her my life would not be possible. Plus she shared some amazing DNA with me. Thank goodness for it. :-)

My Oma: the most stubborn woman I have ever met. Her critical eye drove me to try harder, if only to prove her wrong.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Back to Illinois again soon....

My Oma is at the end. She will not likely make it to the end of this week. I am half-heartedly looking at tickets back to St. Louis all the while avoiding my homework assignment. I am depressed and while I very badly want to go home to Illinois...I am afraid that if I go home I will never want to come back again.

*Sigh* Yet I will go home and I will help bury my Oma and then come back to my life as a Navy wife.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Dragging my feet and other things....

So good thing I never mentioned the name of my work place on this blog. At a monthly team work meeting, we were told that we better not bad mouth work anywhere on the internet. Opps! So if you happen to know where I work, just don't mention it here. Thanks peeps! [The story behind this is some gal in another place located who knows where, bad mouthed work on twitter or facebook and some big person in the company saw it and freaked the F out, because they feel it's bad for business...which I guess it possibly could be.]

I am dragging my feet on making my actually has time off right now spouse and I an appointment with the Ob/gyn. I am really not sure why I am dragging my feet, considering how badly we both want a child and the road to getting preggo at this point entails going and having a meeting with the doctor. I guess part of me feels like it's hopeless.
My spouse is on leave for a week or so, but then it's back to a busy work schedule and then out to sea again for a million trips in and out. Then he's home for Xmas and then early spring of next year, it's the big 6 month Westpac deployment. I told the spouse that maybe we should just stop all this doctor crap and just wait until shore duty. Surprisingly, he disagreed with me. Seriously people I was husband who took forever to do what he needed to do, actually thinks we should proceed? I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. So it's time for me to pick my feet up and actually proceed....if he's game, then I am rolling with it.

On a side note: a friend of mine who struggled with infertility for a few years is pregnant with twins. IUI worked for her and that gives me hope. She is definitely deserving of this miracle.

On another topic altogether: my cousin's wedding is quickly approaching. When I booked the plane tickets back in April it felt very far away, but here it is July and I am flying to attend her wedding in early August. I still haven't gotten a dress to wear. I want to look good, as some of my relatives haven't seen me over 4 years, so I need to impress....just kidding, but really I think highly of their opinions. Family opinions matter.

Well better sign off for now. My husband is making dinner and I should really be supervising this endeavor.

Friday, June 25, 2010

I'm SO Jealous!

There I said it. I am so freakin' jealous of all the people with babies or who are pregnant. I thought I was handling it pretty well until last night at our monthly FRG meeting. I came home and was so grumpy, because you see I despise being jealous of people, just despise it. If I could cross jealousy out of my emotional system I would.

The only way I sort of, minorly dealing with this, is that I am thinking of all the things my spouse and I are able to do while it's just the two of us. Yeah, it's not working very well, but I am trying.

Btw, I think people should be jealous of how cute my pets are. Seriously, my black & white cat is the cutest little guy out there. And then there's my little grey kitty....what an adorable little adventurer. Don't even get me started on my dog: he tops all the dogs on the block for his cuteness.

See I can brag about my animals, just as other brag about their kids. Forgive how rude this post ended up being....I just couldn't help myself.

Friday, June 18, 2010

I had a horrid week at work and have yet another sinus infection.

They are adding another allergy med to my regiment. I really hope we get these sinuses of mine until control soon. I am tired of being miserable.

Good thing I didn't mention the name of my workplace, because I am about to b*tch about work. Work just sucked. Bad sales and then the few I did have caused me to get accused of stealing sales. They go on and on about us being team players and then this happens. So ridiculous!!!! I really didn't want to be a quitter, but the crap that goes on at my work nearly ruined what should be a happy week. The only positive I have about work is that they recently hired some new people, so at least I am not the new girl anymore.

*Sigh* Watching my cute doggie sleep at the foot of the bed. He's so adorable.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Blogging Challenges aren't for me....

It's apparent that blogging challenges are not for me. Or at least ones that do not have defined rules. If I ever do a blogging challenge I will have to do one that has been set up by someone else and not one I make up. update you all on my life since the last post:

1. I got a job working in high end retail. High end only makes me like it a little more, because at least it requires me to dress nicely for work. For some reason I really like jobs where I have a uniform or dress clothes of some type. (Oh and the name of said work place will be kept anonymous just in case I decide to b*tch about work.)

2. I adopted an adorable little dog, named Stanley. My husband is so not excited about him and I am fairly certain is finding every reason to hate him. BUT I am determined and this dog stays.
He makes me feel a tiny bit less depressed about the infertility problem.

3. We have a definite reason for our infertility (finally) and we also have more questions. My irritation/frustration/anger/upset about the whole thing has finally reached the point where I feel I should apologize to all those suffering from infertility too, because I really didn't understand it fully until recently. I can see why marriages fail due to this issue. It's maddening. I am there and it is maddening.

4. I am to be an Auntie. My best friend and soul sister, Angie, is pregnant. And while I so wish it was me and am jealous as hell...I am happy for her. She's going to be the cool & awesome Mom on the block.

5. My spouse will be home soon. I rocked this Eastpac....sort of...most of the time...kind of....yeah....

Take care all......hopefully I will do better with blogging this month.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Day 2

Doing well so far, I made it to Day 2 of my blogging challenge...which I realized I put no time frame on. Opps! Well I guess we'll just say the challenge lasts a month and then go from there. I have plenty of time to kill, since obviously I'd rather be blogging then doing homework for a class I could care less about. (Note that is a bad thing, since the class is technically for my major, but in my defense...I took the senior level course equivalent of said class already, so I am feeling a bit relaxed about the whole thing.) <---Wow was that a run on sentence or what? I hope all my English major friends can forgive me.

Today is a day like yesterday here in the Islands. Sunny and then rainy, which I am quite sure must be beautiful weather for most of you mainlanders. However for me it's boring and my sinus' view it as a way for mother nature to continue the misery. Ahh well....on with the show!

Laundry is calling me and so is a trip to Walgreens. Unlike where I am from, Walgreens isn't on every corner here so it really is a bit of a trip to get there. Let the adventure begin!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Day 1

Gosh I am terrible at this blogging thing! I get into for awhile and then I seem to fade away. Can I blame that on the fact that I am a Navy wife whose spouse has a crazy, often unpredictable schedule? Hmm....sure, why the heck not? It's a good excuse.

It's a rainy day today in the Islands and my allergies continue to be miserable, thanks to all the blooming plants. I went to the doctor this week thinking I had yet another sinus infection and all she said was "Are you taking your allergy meds?" and we all know my reply was a meek "sometimes." Apparently my occasional use of the allergy medications isn't cutting it, so I am going to be taking them full time now. I hope they work, because feeling like you have a constant sinus infection isn't so fun. Or maybe it could just stop raining and let things get a little drier around here....okay, that's not happening; back to reality (and the allegra/flonase combo)!

My husband is working a lot (take that to mean what you will), but since he's busy I shall give myself a blogging challenge. This didn't work the last time, but since I have more time to just might work this time.
Today is day 1 and I hope you enjoyed my little ramblings. Toodles!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Just a few thoughts....

Yesterday morning as I was driving my husband to work, we got stuck momentarily because of a fender bender and while we were sitting there stopped I noticed a truck in the other lane that had a decal on the back that was a hand with the middle finger up. Now maybe it was the time of day (I am not a person who is very friendly before 8am), but that struck me as being so disrespectful. Disrespectful to the people who have to see it and I think a self-disrespect for the person driving the vehicle. It seems a shame to me that our culture/society seems to think vulgar symbols are cool or fun.
Last evening I was re-elected secretary of our FRG (Family Readiness Group), which means I have signed myself up for yet another year of service to my husband's command and our boat family. Fast attack submarine's have such small crews compared to surface ships, that we really are like a family. Whether we like it or not, if you don't keep your nose clean the whole boat knows. Pillow talk at my house sometimes consists of my spouse and I telling each other what happened on "da boat." At times it is frustrating, but for the most part it is comforting and honestly I love the dynamics of it.
Couponing! I love it!!!!! I've always been a fan of coupons and used them, but sometime last year I really got heavily into couponing and now many of my friends are all into couponing too. It's great fun and I love finding a spectacular deal. For example, I saved nearly $30 at Target yesterday with all my coupons. :-)
Alright, enough for today. I have got things to do. Peace out friends. I love you!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Settled back in at home

Yes, that's me! I got in on Tuesday afternoon and have spent the past 2 days getting my house back the way I like it. That's not to say that my spouse is a slob, because he is far from it, but there are still things that we do differently around the house. I am glad to be back.

My Mom is supposed to fly in, in May. This will be a great time for her to come and I am so happy she's coming. I really appreciate her commitment to flying to see me fairly frequently. I am really lucky, I realize, that my Mom is able to come so often.

I have made the decision to not discuss the fertility issues as much anymore. I realized while I was home that I was making myself so much more depressed about not conceiving by focusing on it. Yes, it pains me to be seemingly unable to get pregnant, but it's not the end of the world. There are plenty of options for us if needed. But for now infertility does not have to be my life focus. I am making the resolve, sort of like I did with resolving to be happy earlier this year. That resolve is going well, so I figure I can succeed at another resolve too.

I am happy and I love my friends. [Just had to throw that in there.]

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Life is never fair......but today is a new day

So much has happened since I last wrote here. Avery took some leave and we were peacefully enjoying the first day of it when I got a call that shook my world up a bit. My Grandpa (Mom's father) passed away February 22nd. I was so surprised, as I wasn't expecting to get the call at all. You see my Oma has terminal cancer and I really expected to be hearing of her death. Anyway.....2 days after he passed away I was on a midnight flight to STL. I arrived in STL on Thursday and the funeral was Saturday. Everything was horribly sad and the emptiness in the house has continued to linger. (My Grandparents live with my Mom). I will have stayed 3 weeks when I finally return home on March 16th. I have missed Avery a lot. I missed out on all of his leave and I know he was very disappointed, but life isn't fair for any of us.

[To top it all off I was suffering from a lingering sinus infection. Thank goodness my doctor loaded me up with all sorts of medication several hours before I got on the plane.]

Today is a new day and I am sitting here watching spring peak through Southern Illinois. My Oma is being admitted to the hospital, because of fluid build up related to the cancer. This is the end and I am terribly sad, but doing my best to be positive. Selfishly I want her to hang on for a month or so, so I can go home for awhile. I need to be back in Hawaii with Avery just to get grounded again.

Friday, February 19, 2010

No inspiration

Usually if I think hard enough I can come up with some sort of inspiration and a topic, but at this particular moment I've got nothing.

I've been reading a new blog lately about a lady who on paper seems so different from me, but as I've read more there seems to be more things in common then you'd expect. Anyway....I think that's interesting.

I don't feel like talking about the infertility issues. Sometimes it consumes me and I am trying desperately to avoid that from happening completely. It's funny....if I lived in the civilian world I probably wouldn't feel nearly as much pressure to get pregnant. In desperation when Avery was out to sea last, I told my Mom I just wanted to be back to a normal life. But then I realized that the military life is our normal and if Avery got out, we would be lost. The military life isn't for everyone, but it's for us. And if it takes us 5 years to get pregnant, then that's how it will be and that will be our "normal." Okay...that's enough of that. On to a new topic: THE OLYMPICS!

I LOVE THE OLYMPICS. Just absolutely love them and now that we have digital cable and DVR, I have been able to see so much more of them. To the point where I am getting little sleep, because I am staying up so late to watch them. I was so pleased that a US man won the gold medal for men's figure skating. In case you weren't aware, that hasn't happened since 1988. What a great achievement for men's figure skating and the USA. Go team!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Because notes with questions are fun....

1. Who was your first prom date?
My freshmen year of high school, a senior asked me to go with him to his Prom, so technically my first prom date was a guy named Dan and no I haven't a clue where he is anymore.

2. Do you still talk to your first love?
Actually I do occasionally, because though I didn't end up marrying him he was/is a decent guy and a fairly good friend.

3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
Communion wine (I am such a good Catholic!)

4. What was your first job?
Since babysitting probably doesn't count: how about the summer before my freshmen year of college when I was a Nanny & Housekeeper to some bratty kids. Sorry to be mean, but they were brats and if my future kids behave the way they did to a nanny...serious consequences will follow.

5. What was your first car?
'95 Oldsmobile Achieva

6. Who was the first person to text you today?
I actually haven't gotten any text messages today, but the day is still young.

7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning?
My dietitian, because I'd just had a dream with him in it.

8. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Schull

9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane?
Denver, when I was all of 3 months old.

10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk?
Cassandra and no we do not talk any longer, because she made a few decisions in life that I just can't agree with, despite my best attempt to not judge.

11. Where was your first sleepover?
A girl, in the neighborhood that I first lived in, named Emily's house. She started snoring that night and I didn't like it, so I tried to go home. :-)

12. Who was the first person you talked to today?
Avery and NPR, because I always talk to the news radio.

13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time?
My childhood church nanny, Nancy's wedding in 1996. I was very upset to not be the flower girl, so despite my participation in the wedding, I still pouted.

14. What was the first thing you did this morning?
Drove Avery to work.

15. What was the first concert you went to?
Don't laugh: a Christian rock band, whose name I can't for the life of me recall anymore and it's the only concert I've ever been to.

16. First tattoo?
I want an anchor or a star, but my spouse says those are way too common for Navy wives to get, so he thinks I should come up with something else.

17. First piercing?
My ears. I got them as birthday present for my 6th birthday.

18. First foreign country you went to?
England in the Spring of 2002

19. First movie you remember seeing?
Sleeping Beauty, but it was a movie my parents bought and not something I saw at the theatre.

20. What state (province) did you first live in?

21. Who was your first roommate?
Allison (last name not recalled) from Wisconsin. I lived with her for one semester. She was very nice, but much too quiet for my tastes.

22. When was your first detention?
5th grade for forgetting to bring my reading homework to school with me. That was the only time I got detention and my teacher said he did it, because he needed to prepare me for the difficulties of middle school. Well I'll have you know that I never got a detention for forgetting homework in middle school, so he was wrong!

23. When was your first kiss?
8th grade and I didn't like it.

24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance?
This is a very good question and I am not sure of the answer.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


It's a new month already! Where did the time go? This year is already beginning to fly past me. In some respects I desperately want this year to hurry up and be done, but at the same time I want it to go slow.

No baby this month and my reaction to the news is the worst it's ever been. I can't thank my friends and husband enough for helping me cope with this disappointment. I think it's time to move on to plan B....whatever that may be. (When I figure out what it is, I'll let you know.)

Tomorrow I am going to make my Valentine's Day cards. I used to hate V-day for years, basically because I was single so often for it that I got bitter. Even when Avery and I were first together, I didn't like it, because our first Valentine's Day wasn't spent together (he was out to sea and I was in Illinois) and there were all sorts of mishaps related to him sending me flowers. Thus our first Valentine's Day as a married couple was met with skepticism. It wasn't perfect by any means, but Avery really worked hard for me to like it (despite forgetting to get me that's a story!) This year I am looking at it with a new pair of eyes and seeing it not as the silly Hallmark holiday, but as also a day to show appreciation for the ones you love. So to all of you that I love: Happy early Valentine's Day (look for your card in the mail soon.) :-)

Friday, January 29, 2010

Back to the ordinary after visitors

The title says it all. We had a visitor with us last week. It was one of my former college roommates. She'd never been here so despite a sinus infection & a busy life I managed to play tour guide for her. We've never had anyone say at our house before that wasn't related to us, so I definitely learned a few things about having guests. Not that she was a bad guest, but when your name is Liz and you are a busy Navy wife you realize how hard it is to slow your life down to be a proper tour guide. Thus I think all future guests will need to invest in renting a car when staying with us. Now if they chose to stay in Waikiki a rental car may not be necessary. Anyway....lessons learned and a fun time was had. I definitely was forced to brush up on my Hawaiian history and actually am reading a book about Hawaiian history, since my interest in the history of where I live has been renewed. Anyway, she left on Monday and that meant it was time for me to accomplish all that didn't get accomplished last week. Here it is Friday and I finally feel like I am nearly all caught up. This weekend I am looking forward to doing a bit of homework, some laundry, going on a job interview and then just taking it easy.

Fertility update:
Have to wait until next week to have more tests done. However if I get a positive pregnancy test that will negate all such tests, so I am very much hoping for a positive test. Continued prayers on that front are appreciated.

I changed my major from Healthcare Administration to Health & Human Services. I changed, because I really didn't like the management aspect and I know I do better when I am working directly with people. So I've switched and yes while it will push college graduation back yet again....I think this is for the best. When I get back to nursing in 2 years, this degree could help me work as a nurse in a public health setting and that is something I think I might really enjoy. Management just isn't for me.

Not much else to tell everyone. So I'll stop for now.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Absentee Voting & Fertility

The State of Illinois sent me my absentee ballot for the February 2nd general primary election today. The only I have to say: who the heck are half these people?? As of now I haven't a clue who to vote for, because despite my best efforts, let's face it...I am not up on my local Illinois politics. I called my Mom, who still lives there and even she didn't know some of the names. I intend to do a little internet research and hopefully find some non-biased information. I dislike voting when I am uninformed, though I have done that before.

As for life, it turns out the doctors were wrong and I do not have a re-occurrence of cervical cancer. So I am moving forward; my ob/gyn and I will be discussing my fertility this week. Without going into too many details, my sailor husband and I have been trying for 9 months now to conceive a child without any luck. Apparently in the military system after 6 months they'll consider you infertile and finally help you out. I wonder how this conversation is going to play out, because although I like my ob/gyn, let's face it the doctor has a few issues he needs to work out. The major one being that he really ought to look at a patient's chart before speaking with them. I would like to change doctors, but at the moment he's my only option, so I will do what I have to do.

As for my resolves: I am failing miserably at the homework one. I work better under pressure, so maybe that one doesn't make sense for me.

Friday, January 8, 2010

New Year, New Month, Revised Me

Well here we are in 2010. We started the year off quietly and in reflection. My husband and I decided not to have resolutions, but instead to have resolves. For 2010, he is resolving to exercise more and lose some weight. I am resolving to attend church at least twice a month, do my homework earlier in the week, and the biggest one: I am resolving to be happy. That sounds cliche' I know, but I was reading something another friend had written that said we control whether we are happy or not and that struck a cord for me. I think I believe that to be pretty much true. Upon reflection (and I had plenty of time in airports and on airplanes to do so) I realized that often I have chosen to just stay miserable. It is like it gave me something to do and well I'd rather spend my time being happy instead.

So here I am eight days into the new year and I want to say I've done well and I suppose I have, I did do homework a little earlier (but only in terms of that resolve will take more work) and I plan to attend church this Sunday. My resolve to be happy though has succeeded fairly well. I did let the hormones take control for a day there when I was just mad, but yesterday I got back on the happiness horse. Today I can say I am happy too, because despite the not so perfect life I made the choice to be happy today.