Miscellany Monday: 8/20/12 Edition

1. Resolved?

I recently took my annual survey that Resolve, the National Infertility Association, asks people with infertility to take so they can get data about infertility.  This year I quite obviously have my miracle and so I could answer the question about having a baby thru IVF with a resounding "YES."  That was great, but the part that bugged me a little was the next question, which asked me if I felt the infertility had resolved itself now that we had our miracle.  I answered, "no" and when they asked why I said, because I feel infertility isn't something that resolves itself generally. You don't stop being unable to conceive naturally just because IVF worked for you one time. To me our infertility will never be resolved. I will still have a twinge of pain when I hear of people getting pregnant normally. I will be envious that people can have their children without scheduling an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. That's not meant to be negative towards anyone, it's just truth.  However, I will come to a point someday, I know for sure, where I will be content with our family and how it came to be. For now I enjoy our baby boy and thank god everyday that I was given the privilege of being his Mommy.

2.Lighter Fare...New Roof

The previous topic was a bit deep, so let's move on to something lighter.  On Wednesday of last week, they started on a new roof at our house. The noise has been...well, horrible to say the least. Between the hammering and the roofers shouting at each other, I am amazed Matthew has napped at all.  I guess he can sleep through almost anything.  It's been an interesting experience.

3.New Church

Our new church so far seems fabulous!  We are now members at Holy Trinity Catholic Church in Bremerton.  I really like the parish for a few different reasons.
1. No one there has a seat that they always sit in.  This is unusual for many Catholics, so when I discovered that I wasn't taking someones seat I was ecstatic! 

2. They have an interpreter for the hard of hearing folks.  She is fantastic.  (I mention this, because MacMurray College, where I went, has a big deaf ed program and I am forever endeared to ASL and interpreting.)

3. The current visiting priest is from Britain and his homilies are filled with interesting stories. I realize he won't be here forever, but just the fact that he's here now rocks my socks.

4. Everyone smiles and says hello!  In Hawaii that wasn't the case and so I often felt a bit isolated at church there.

5. They don't mind screaming/crying/talking children. They have an area in the back you can go and still hear the service. This will be great when we bring Matthew (I haven't done so thus far.)

I think that's it for today.  Have a good one folks!



A few things I have learned from infertility

Infertility is a road no one wants to travel and let's face it, never expects to travel down. At least Avery and I never imagined we would travel down it. That all said, we have learned a whole bunch thanks to battling it.

1. Be an advocate for your own health care. Health care is a business and you are the consumer. If you aren't happy with how things are going, either change doctors or speak up. This seems so simple, but I have met a lot of people who are/were afraid to do so.

2. Research, research, research! (But be careful on the internet, some of the info is good, others misleading.) Infertility is not an exact science, by any means. Your infertility doctor's office isn't going to tell you all the bad stories, they are going to tell you the successes....research on your own.

3. Have a large base of support. Doing this alone is hard. I had a whole team praying for me and it really was calming to know that others were behind me, even on the bad days or the days of lots of people getting pregnant easily. (In fact that team is still praying for me and for them I am grateful.)

4. Be skeptical of the miracle cures on the internet. If they worked, infertility doctors wouldn't be in business.

5. Make the best decisions for you. It's okay to say no.

Little Life Update

Not much is going on here. I was in Illinois visiting family for a month and now I am home trying to get back into my groove.

I had a 6 week u/s and there is just one baby. Part of me morns the loss of that embryo and yet another part sighs with relief at just having one. I have a lot of morning sickness. I cry a lot when I am alone....I just can't help it.

I miss Avery desperately. This deployment feels very long at times. They did finally port and I have spoken to him, which is nice, but it also makes it worse I fear to say. It's sometimes easier to not know where they are and to not be wondering when the next phone call will come in.

I applied for a new passport (mine was lost somewhere in the many moves I made before I got married), on the off chance that I will go meet the boat somewhere. I honestly do not think I will, because it is so very expensive, but I want to have the chance.

We are up in the air about when he will be able to re-enlist (due to the government being broke). Until that gets figured out, we have no idea where we'll be going to shore duty. If things don't work out with that, then we still have the option of him staying on the boat for another year, which would mean a 3rd deployment with this boat. I hate that option, but will go with it if we have to.

As for me, I am just doing enough work to get my degree done as quickly as possible. I don't care about my GPA anymore. It's time to just pass school and get out. I am beyond burnt out. That nursing degree that I had intended to finish after getting this degree may have to wait awhile longer or never happen. I am more & more okay with not finishing it.

Hope all are well.

The Post You've Been Waiting For!

Did the IVF work? Everyone wants to know and some people already know. I promised Avery before he left on deployment that I would not reveal the answer until he confirmed that he knew.....

Well I tried and I am sad to say that I just can't keep that promise. Plus, in all fairness I promised him only that I wouldn't reveal it on Facebook (and I have kept the FB part promise...though others have guessed). He didn't say anything about blogger. ;-)

Yes, the IVF worked. God gave us a miracle. (Or two, we don't know how many are in there yet.) I am 5 weeks and at 6 weeks I get to go have an u/s to see how many little lambs the lord blessed us with. I read somewhere that if you make it to 9 weeks you have a 90% chance of your pregnancy making it. So keep praying everyone.

Though I am over the moon....I am still thinking about others who are still waiting for their turn and their blessing of a miracle. I don't plan to make this blog all about my pregnancy now....though it will certainly be mentioned. I am still a sailor's lady who fought over 2 years to get this miracle. I will never forget how hard it was and the fears that still linger.

Thank you everyone for your support. I love you and am thrilled to be back to blogging.

Ps. If you know me on facebook, please do not announce that you know until Avery & I have done so. Just post comments to this blog. Thanks!

How am I feeling?

The transfer went well. Now I have a week to wait to see if the embryos stuck. Everyone is asking how I am feeling....so here's the answer: I am tired, really super duper tired. Exhausted even. Nothing hurts (except maybe my stupid sinuses.) I am a bit nauseated at times and very hungry. Yet when I sit down to eat, food is not all that appealing. NOW, before you get all excited....these symptoms are completely normal for after any IVF. My body is being pumped full of progesterone to encourage pregnancy. So in all honesty, my body has thought it was pregnant since after the egg retrieval.

Mentally, I feel neutral. I am afraid to get too excited, just in case I have to deal with disappointment. And you all know the control-freak that I am. I am always planning ahead. (If you want to know how I manage that as a military wife, let me tell you it's a very intricate process...LOL!) I am very excited to have a positive result, but I have to prepare myself for whatever the answer may be. According to books I have read this is very normal for women who've had IVF. Oh and I can't forget to mention the anxiety. Of course I am anxious. Who wouldn't be? Thankfully the exhaustion is letting me keep that at bay a bit.

I appreciate everyone's continued prayers and thoughts. It means so much to me. I am in awe of the support we've been given. I cannot thank you all enough.

The Going Ons

I don't know where to start so let's just dive right in!

My egg retrieval was on Saturday and went extremely well. Our embryo transfer is Thursday. I am already like an anxious Mother, calling my IVF coordinator to check on them. I believe that life starts at conception. The day my eggs were retrieved and fertilized with my husband's sperm was the day that life began for them. Despite that it happened with the help of modern science...they are our children. Our DNA came together and created life. I am in awe of this whole process.
I just keep praying for our babies that they will be able to survive in my womb and join our daily life. God is good!

Great Day!

Today is a great day! I am exhausted, but otherwise feeling good. I had an u/s today to check things out and as expected everything looks great. I have already started the oral fertility drug (Femara for those in the know) and tomorrow I start the injectable medication (Follistim). Monday it's back for a check and schedule the egg retrieval. Everything is going exactly as our doctor said it would and that makes me feel so calm. I am so happy I could cry! After such a hard time...we are finally on the road to getting pregnant.

Now that I have a little time, I thought I'd post some pictures of our farewell. They had a BBQ on the pier for the families before the boat left. It was very nice. I can't thank our Submarine Squadron enough for such a nice time.














Our goodbye hug! I was crying into his shoulder at this point.













The Caption waves goodbye from the bridge of the submarine. He's a great guy and I know is taking good care of my guy and his shipmates.

Tired, but updating you all

Sorry for the blogging break. Avery and I spent our last few days together and then he left on deployment. Now my Aunt came to visit. [Note to self: never agree to visitors so soon into deployment and/or an ivf cycle.] I am on strong hormones for the IVF cycle. They are making me soooooooo tired. I just want to do nothing, which isn't exactly possible right now.

I have given a bunch of blood, had a pap smear. Apparently I hadn't had one since December 2009...which seems strange considering all this infertility business, but my dumb ob/gyn doctor at the military clinic never did it. So my PCM kindly got me up to date on that so I can get the all clear to do the actual ivf procedure.

Avery and I are really excited and even though he isn't here for the whole thing I feel him with me. (Sappy, but true.) We made all the decisions about every possible thing that we could think of ahead of time. We are prepared or as prepared as we know to be. Our IVF coordinator has been great about emailing and calling to make sure everything is good.

Alright...off to entertain....

Last Bit of Time Before He Leaves

Avery, my favorite guy in the world (& husband) is home again. They passed inspection and are ready to go on deployment. This is our last bit of time together before he leaves. I wish I could hold onto him forever sometimes. The last few days before deployment's are always the hardest for me, because you know how little time you have left and just want to savor it all.

We went to the commissary together today; something that I realized we hadn't done since very early in our marriage. It was sort of fun to see him realize just how much money I save us with coupons. He knew I used coupons, but I don't think he realized just how much money I can save in one trip.

Our infertility doctor gave us the plan and now we're just waiting on my body. Everything else is set to go! Yay! I can't wait for the day that I get to tell him he's a Daddy.

Well...better finish this up. Avery will be home from work soon to do more things on my...I mean his to-do list.

Getting Nervous

It's day 25 and I know that AF is on her way (which is totally positive this time around....the only time I am happy about her) and I am waiting for the doctor to call back & finalize the plans for April's IVF cycle. I am so nervous. I go from being sad & tearful to happy & on cloud 9 all day long (thanks hormones, I love you too....NOT!).

I am still dealing with the shoulder & neck pain from an injury last week. I had stopped taking the pain meds, because I was getting nothing accomplished. Unfortunately I think that may have been a mistake. Hopefully that won't require a trip back to the doctor, due to possible re-injury. Yes, I'm an idiot sometimes, in case that wasn't already established.

I am so thankful to everyone who has been so wonderful to me the past month or so. I cannot thank you all enough. And my husband- he gets a gold star for how great he's been (even from the dark depths of the ocean. Haha!)

Errands to run! Toodles my friends.

In case you were worried....

We are fine and had no damage from the tsunami. The whole thing seemed kind of ridiculous after it was all over. The only thing I can say is that I got good practice on how to deal with a possible tsunami. Though I think the cats & dogs would've outlived us all had a major wave actually hit. I had more of their stuff prepared then our stuff. Oh well...interesting experience. It's taken me 2 days to recover from the night of no sleep. I really have lost my night owl ways.

Christie has moved in and her dog Max is here. It's been good to have someone here. The impending IVF has me all kinds of anxious.

I spoke with the embryologist this past week and am getting together the paperwork so that everything we have banked at the other hospital can be moved to our doctor's new office & lab. Next on the IVF to-do list is calling the office to make sure the injectable medications are ordered & ready for the cycle to begin in a few weeks. I should probably call the credit card company too, just to make sure they aren't shocked by the enormous amount we're about to put on it.

I am pumped up and ready or at least faking it well. :-)

Scared

I am scared to make the first call to start setting up our IVF for next month.

IVF is scary.

I wish Avery were here to do this one with me.

Thank goodness for friends who are here to support me.

What do you do...

Edit: I posted this earlier, then worried I would make someone's bad day worse, so I took it down. However posting it again, since she saw it & wasn't upset.

What do you do...

When a fellow infertility friend makes the decision to stop treatment?

Me? I cried for the sadness & heartache of that decision.

And out of fear that someday we'll be faced with the same decision.

H- I love you and I am thinking of you today. I hope you find peace & comfort soon.

Working up the positivity again

Yesterday was an emotional day....no other way to say it. I normally am as positive as possible, but yesterday I just lost it. I cried and moaned out the pain of another failed cycle. My husband held me and listened to me ramble on about whatever came to my mind.

Today is another new day. I am still not 100% back to the positive side, but I feel ready to fight again. We will take March off as my doctor suggested and do IVF in April.

A baby will be born to us this year. This is our year. The year I finish my college degree and the year we become parents. All thanks to fierce determination & a lot of money....hehe!

Infertility is cruel.

Sometimes I hate that I know my body so well that I can tell when AF is on her way. I have been hormonal for 2 days now & as much as I've tried to fight it, I know what that means. The IUI didn't work as suspected. I am angry with the world yet again. IVF here we come.

Feel like burying my head under the covers and not coming out for a. long. a$$. time!

Infertility is cruel.

IVF and blog challenge

Yep, you read it right......IVF is very likely going to happen this year. We will be doing minimal stimulation IVF, which is different from regular IVF in that they take fewer eggs (therefore making less embryos) and it costs a heck of a lot less. Supposedly it's a lot less stress on your body.
I can tell you, this was not the plan we were expecting, but due to issues with the spouse....it doesn't look like anymore IUIs would be effective. [If by some miracle we did get pregnant from this month's IUI at least we'll know what to do in the future.]

Now on to the blog challenge, which I am sorely behind in:

Day 20: Post a picture of somewhere you'd love to travel-
Australia. The place looks amazing!








Skipping day 21, because no picture could do it justice. My feelings are that intense.

Day 22: Post a picture of something you wish you were better at:

Working out. I just don't like to do it.








Day 23: Post a picture of your favorite book-

The Giver by Lois Lowry. I absolutely love this book!

Blog Challenge Day 17

Post a picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently:

Clearly, infertility.

Blog Challenge & Other Stuff

Skipping Day 13 of the challenge; it's post a picture of your favorite band or artist and I can't narrow it done even remotely. I like an array of music.

Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without:

Obviously, it's my Mother. I've said it before, but she's amazing and my bestest friend. I really can't imagine my life without her.











Other stuff: Yeah, did the IUI on Wednesday. Sperm did not thaw well for some unknown reason. Very poor chance it worked. Back next week to discuss next steps. Tired of hearing about people getting pregnant. Tired of fighting freakin' Tricare Prime to get referrals taken care of, seriously the healthcare may be "free", but it is not even remotely easy to deal with. I mean, they have good customer service, but the system is seriously flawed.

I was super confident & feeling good yesterday. Today I've lost that confidence. I am tired of people telling me that maybe it's just not the right time. That's not supportive or helpful. Be kind, not ludicrous. My college adviser told me to take a 2 week break. She said I needed it, so I am taking it.

My friend Christie is moving in when Avery deploys. I just can't sit here alone for 6 months and I don't want to go home to IL for the whole deployment. I feel sort of like I am failing as a Navy wife having someone come to stay, but with all the stress we've been through, I just don't want to put myself in the position of being alone so much. I can see myself withdrawing from life if I don't have her here.

Well, it's late here and I should probably think about bed time. G'Night all.

IUI

IUI is tomorrow and I am nervous/excited/scared/happy all at the same time. My doctor thinks our chances are pretty good. Yay!

Photo challenge- day 12: Post a picture of something you love:

Scrapbooking! I love it!

Crossed Fingers!

Over halfway through taking Femara and Avery banked his part of the process today. We are good to go for IUI this month, if all goes well at the next appointment. I feel a little anxious, but mainly calm. Things are all working out and the costs haven't been as high as we expected. [Granted we were quoted higher just in case.]
I truly believe God has a plan and I hope this is it. I can also say that the power of prayer is really evident in our journey....we weren't sure the command was going to let Avery go to today's appointment and since he can't go next week, this was our last chance. In the end, we just prayed and it worked out. Seriously, so thankful to the lord above and all the people praying for us.