Working on Crawling...and other news...

Taken today!

Matthew is working really hard at crawling. He gets himself up on his hands and knees, but then has difficulty moving very far. He's so far excellent at pivoting himself around and with the help of a little rolling can move himself pretty darn well.  I can't leave him out of my sight for long.  I have a feeling that he'll get the movement thing down pretty soon, so I better start thinking about childproofing the house a little more seriously.

Oh and I have mentioned that he says Mum & Ma?  Well he does and has been doing so for nearly a month now.  I gotta admit, he definitely charms his Mommy when he says either of them. Especially since everyone told me "Da da" would be first.  We are guessing he can say the M sound sooner, because his name starts with an M and he hears it all the time.

In other news:
I got out my resume and started to work on it a bit.  It's quite rusty, to say the least. I will probably need to take a resume course or something.  Thankfully the Navy offers services to spouses for such things. (Thank you, DOD!)

Matthew's Nana (my Mom) is coming out next week to be here for my 27th birthday. My Mom tries to never miss spending a birthday with me and so far she's only missed one (my 23rd and 1st in Hawaii.) I give her big props. This is a tradition that I definitely think I'd like to pass on with my kids, if they are cool with it.

A Range of Emotions

First topic: Well...I had the appointment and we got our referral. I am so excited and scared all at the same time. Technically we have to wait for the army hospital to turn us down, but I am not bothering to wait. I have the name of a civilian doctor and I am going ahead with him.

I am was so excited that I went to see if by some chance Avery's boat was still there and instead watched them pull away from the pier. I admit, I cried....something I've never done before. I usually get energized and start my "he's underway" to-do list without much thought. Well not this time...tears were flowing and I instantly wished the boat could stay home.

That said, I am a military wife and I can do this. I will get the appointment, discuss what to do and then tell Avery when to show up.

Oh a side note: I resigned from my job. I decided there was no point in being somewhere, where I was so miserably unhappy every time I worked. Not sure where I'll work next, but I will figure out something.

Looking for a new job

This week has just majorly sucked at work. I can't fake it anymore. I am tried and I just don't feel like putting on a happy face anymore. It seems like the people I thought I could confide in at our company only go straight to my boss. I don't like working at a place with people I can't trust. at. all. Seriously time to move on. Maybe take a break from working to focus on school for awhile. I don't know....I'll figure it out.

Is it October already?

Wow, September just flew past me.

I have nothing new to report, except that I still am aggravated with work. I miss my stay at home wife days....a little, but I honestly think I keep the job because I like not being at home as much. It feels good to be a contributing member of society outside of just my house & family.

Avery finally got his reward for extending on the boat, so he is in Cali with his Mom. He seems lonely and I am lonely for him. Yet I know this is good for him to go and see people.

This weekend was a long weekend for me. The first weekend I have had off from work in a long time. It has felt so nice and I am dreading it coming to an end tonight.

Time for "fall" in Hawaii, which really just means a little more rain and a lot more heavy, hot air. My asthma reminds me how awful this crap is and how lovely a fall in Illinois would be...someday we'll be there again.

Hope

Still no answers on the job situation, the higher ups came to town but never stopped at our store. I am even more bummed out about work, since my manager has decided to leave the company. I adore her and know we'll continue as friends, but still I will miss working for her. I am still so annoyed/upset that I am now seriously considering finding another job. The thought of starting over though is so daunting though.

We got some answers on the Avery health front. Now it's time to go back to my doctor and find out what to do next on the having a child front. I feel hopeful again and can see us accomplishing the pregnancy thing long before he deploys next year. Yay for victories!

I got a pedicure last night and they were really busy, so I had to sit & wait awhile. Just sitting there soaking my feet for extra time was so relaxing. I wish I could have the wait more often. :-)

Alright...time to go....peace out friends.

Work, work, work

I have been very emotional lately. The feeling of peace I had the last time I posted is waning.

Work is pretty stressful....I took on more hours in an effort to show commitment to the company and honestly in a hope that it would help me get promoted. So far that appears to have helped, since they asked me about management. Yet the other night as we were getting hit with nasty emails from a higher up, I started questioning my desire to continue with a company that can be so very, very negative. I know I am good at my job, but I can't force people to come in if they don't want to. The high ups will be in town this afternoon. My answer to what I should do could be coming soon.

I need to get back into college, but honestly I'm afraid to pick up the phone and say to my adviser "sorry I was out with no explanation for over a month, can I come back now?" Things like that make me uncomfortable and wish I was still at the age where your parents could do the work for you.
EDIT: Apparently writing that paragraph gave me the courage to call them. *Phew* Glad I got over that one.

I know it's early, but I am looking forward to Christmas. My Mom is flying in for 2 weeks and I think we'll have a ball.

Exhausted

Yep, that's me. I can't ever get enough sleep lately. (I got past that one night of insomnia.) Avery came home for a day, which was nice, and one of the nights he got to sleep next to me I didn't even have to take the Ambien...I was completely out. I still asked my doctor for more though....it's comforting to know it's there even if I don't have to use it.

Anyway....Avery was in and out faster then lightening I swear. It was nice to see him briefly. He's missing my birthday next week and I am very sore about that. I better have flowers delivered to me or he's in big trouble, since he said nothing about my birthday before he left.

I got offered a full time job and I was very tempted to take it, but all I could think of was not getting the sleep I so desperately want right now, so I turned it down. Horrible reason, I realize.

I joined a book club and their next meeting is on Sunday. I haven't even touched the book yet. I better get reading tomorrow or I will be the rude, clueless person come Sunday.

Okay...it's after 8:30pm...I can go to bed. Yay!

Dragging my feet and other things....

So good thing I never mentioned the name of my work place on this blog. At a monthly team work meeting, we were told that we better not bad mouth work anywhere on the internet. Opps! So if you happen to know where I work, just don't mention it here. Thanks peeps! [The story behind this is some gal in another place located who knows where, bad mouthed work on twitter or facebook and some big person in the company saw it and freaked the F out, because they feel it's bad for business...which I guess it possibly could be.]

I am dragging my feet on making my actually has time off right now spouse and I an appointment with the Ob/gyn. I am really not sure why I am dragging my feet, considering how badly we both want a child and the road to getting preggo at this point entails going and having a meeting with the doctor. I guess part of me feels like it's hopeless.
My spouse is on leave for a week or so, but then it's back to a busy work schedule and then out to sea again for a million trips in and out. Then he's home for Xmas and then early spring of next year, it's the big 6 month Westpac deployment. I told the spouse that maybe we should just stop all this doctor crap and just wait until shore duty. Surprisingly, he disagreed with me. Seriously people I was shocked...my husband who took forever to do what he needed to do, actually thinks we should proceed? I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. So it's time for me to pick my feet up and actually proceed....if he's game, then I am rolling with it.

On a side note: a friend of mine who struggled with infertility for a few years is pregnant with twins. IUI worked for her and that gives me hope. She is definitely deserving of this miracle.

On another topic altogether: my cousin's wedding is quickly approaching. When I booked the plane tickets back in April it felt very far away, but here it is July and I am flying to attend her wedding in early August. I still haven't gotten a dress to wear. I want to look good, as some of my relatives haven't seen me over 4 years, so I need to impress....just kidding, but really I think highly of their opinions. Family opinions matter.

Well better sign off for now. My husband is making dinner and I should really be supervising this endeavor.

I had a horrid week at work and have yet another sinus infection.

They are adding another allergy med to my regiment. I really hope we get these sinuses of mine until control soon. I am tired of being miserable.

Good thing I didn't mention the name of my workplace, because I am about to b*tch about work. Work just sucked. Bad sales and then the few I did have caused me to get accused of stealing sales. They go on and on about us being team players and then this happens. So ridiculous!!!! I really didn't want to be a quitter, but the crap that goes on at my work nearly ruined what should be a happy week. The only positive I have about work is that they recently hired some new people, so at least I am not the new girl anymore.

*Sigh* Watching my cute doggie sleep at the foot of the bed. He's so adorable.

Blogging Challenges aren't for me....

It's apparent that blogging challenges are not for me. Or at least ones that do not have defined rules. If I ever do a blogging challenge I will have to do one that has been set up by someone else and not one I make up.

Sooooo....to update you all on my life since the last post:

1. I got a job working in high end retail. High end only makes me like it a little more, because at least it requires me to dress nicely for work. For some reason I really like jobs where I have a uniform or dress clothes of some type. (Oh and the name of said work place will be kept anonymous just in case I decide to b*tch about work.)

2. I adopted an adorable little dog, named Stanley. My husband is so not excited about him and I am fairly certain is finding every reason to hate him. BUT I am determined and this dog stays.
He makes me feel a tiny bit less depressed about the infertility problem.









3. We have a definite reason for our infertility (finally) and we also have more questions. My irritation/frustration/anger/upset about the whole thing has finally reached the point where I feel I should apologize to all those suffering from infertility too, because I really didn't understand it fully until recently. I can see why marriages fail due to this issue. It's maddening. I am there and it is maddening.

4. I am to be an Auntie. My best friend and soul sister, Angie, is pregnant. And while I so wish it was me and am jealous as hell...I am happy for her. She's going to be the cool & awesome Mom on the block.

5. My spouse will be home soon. I rocked this Eastpac....sort of...most of the time...kind of....yeah....

Take care all......hopefully I will do better with blogging this month.